On the thirtieth day of Halloween, my boo love gave to me ... thirty screenplays written in junior high school English class!
THE CARD:
A young Comic Book Guy, the flattest acting since Keira Knightly's chest, effects by the Spirit Superstore, sound editing by my 80s Sanyo boombox, Goku the Sheriff's Deputy, a bag full of bad teenage mustaches, and the scariest killer since my high school janitor, and Rafael was NOT scary.
More details here.
THE ANGLE:
Suburban kid dorks are disappearing every Halloween night and the man known as Mr. Halloween, a local creep who loves to celebrate the holiday with the scariest house on the block, is blamed. Of course, the cops do nothing and when one of the missing kid's Dad calls his congressman, he's dragged off and killed. Goddamn Republicans. We are then introduced to some chubby guy who'd rather spend the evening with another dweeb watching other crappy movies instead of making out with his passable girlfriend. The awkward pair decides to break into Mr. Halloween's pad for kooky hijinks and when they fail, Mr. H attacks with a rubber tire iron and pounds them like an epileptic Brooklyn Brawler. He ties up the dorks and turns them into living props in his haunted house attraction. The next day, fatty's girlfriend goes looking for him with some other misfit and the two take a tour of Mr. Halloween's digs. Failing to locate fatty and the dweeb, the chick and the repulsive misfit fall in love, I guess. Mr. H then stalks the girlfriend and he puts her in his dungeon along with the dweeb, but the fatty is nowhere to be seen. Poor fatty. Anyway, the local police close in on Mr. H, but they too fail to stop him, and so the girlfriend takes up the final girl call and ...
Oh wait ... there's a knock at my door.
THE FINISHER:
[DOOR OPENS]
Hey, how's it going? Good. Me? I've been better. Oh, it's nothing, just feeling a little queasy. I'm sure it will pass. Doctor? No, no need for a doctor, I just got to get to November 1st. It's the day after Halloween, when I'll finally be finished with the 31 Days of Halloween. Yeah, it's been quite a month. I've seen some great stuff, some good stuff, some meh stuff, and some absolutely awful stuff. Don't get me wrong; it's been a hell of a lot of fun and I can't wait until next year, but ... it's just ... Oh Christ, man. Christ … Oh sweet loving banjo-playing credit-card-debt-erasing peach-pie-eating Christ. I told myself I wouldn't cry...
Steady, Tremendo, take it easy...
Mr. Halloween is not a very good movie; in fact it's one of the worst I've ever seen. This is due to the fact that ... oh man … I just can't do it.
OK, how about this:
To the guy who directed Mr. Halloween:
Look, I get it. You are a horror fan and have seen a lot of horror movies. You have a camera and your cousin Bippo's microphone from the 40s. You have family and friends who once had acting aspirations and personalities. You have a lot of obvious references to unload and you want to make them into a movie. That's gives you no right to actually go out and do it!
I'm sure you thought you did your best and somewhere deep down inside, I appreciate your effort, hell I even liked the way you framed a couple of shots . You showed much enthusiasm. But what I can't excuse is 110 MINUTES of it. No way, dude. No fricking way.
Anyway, good luck with Mr. Halloween 2: Meet the Missus or whatever the hell other idea you jotted in your Mead notebook during Civics class, you doughy freak.
There, much better. Thanks.
[DOOR SLAMS]
THE CARD:A young Comic Book Guy, the flattest acting since Keira Knightly's chest, effects by the Spirit Superstore, sound editing by my 80s Sanyo boombox, Goku the Sheriff's Deputy, a bag full of bad teenage mustaches, and the scariest killer since my high school janitor, and Rafael was NOT scary.
More details here.
THE ANGLE:
Suburban kid dorks are disappearing every Halloween night and the man known as Mr. Halloween, a local creep who loves to celebrate the holiday with the scariest house on the block, is blamed. Of course, the cops do nothing and when one of the missing kid's Dad calls his congressman, he's dragged off and killed. Goddamn Republicans. We are then introduced to some chubby guy who'd rather spend the evening with another dweeb watching other crappy movies instead of making out with his passable girlfriend. The awkward pair decides to break into Mr. Halloween's pad for kooky hijinks and when they fail, Mr. H attacks with a rubber tire iron and pounds them like an epileptic Brooklyn Brawler. He ties up the dorks and turns them into living props in his haunted house attraction. The next day, fatty's girlfriend goes looking for him with some other misfit and the two take a tour of Mr. Halloween's digs. Failing to locate fatty and the dweeb, the chick and the repulsive misfit fall in love, I guess. Mr. H then stalks the girlfriend and he puts her in his dungeon along with the dweeb, but the fatty is nowhere to be seen. Poor fatty. Anyway, the local police close in on Mr. H, but they too fail to stop him, and so the girlfriend takes up the final girl call and ...
Oh wait ... there's a knock at my door.
THE FINISHER:
[DOOR OPENS]
Hey, how's it going? Good. Me? I've been better. Oh, it's nothing, just feeling a little queasy. I'm sure it will pass. Doctor? No, no need for a doctor, I just got to get to November 1st. It's the day after Halloween, when I'll finally be finished with the 31 Days of Halloween. Yeah, it's been quite a month. I've seen some great stuff, some good stuff, some meh stuff, and some absolutely awful stuff. Don't get me wrong; it's been a hell of a lot of fun and I can't wait until next year, but ... it's just ... Oh Christ, man. Christ … Oh sweet loving banjo-playing credit-card-debt-erasing peach-pie-eating Christ. I told myself I wouldn't cry...
Steady, Tremendo, take it easy...
Mr. Halloween is not a very good movie; in fact it's one of the worst I've ever seen. This is due to the fact that ... oh man … I just can't do it.
OK, how about this:
To the guy who directed Mr. Halloween:
Look, I get it. You are a horror fan and have seen a lot of horror movies. You have a camera and your cousin Bippo's microphone from the 40s. You have family and friends who once had acting aspirations and personalities. You have a lot of obvious references to unload and you want to make them into a movie. That's gives you no right to actually go out and do it!
I'm sure you thought you did your best and somewhere deep down inside, I appreciate your effort, hell I even liked the way you framed a couple of shots . You showed much enthusiasm. But what I can't excuse is 110 MINUTES of it. No way, dude. No fricking way.
Anyway, good luck with Mr. Halloween 2: Meet the Missus or whatever the hell other idea you jotted in your Mead notebook during Civics class, you doughy freak.
There, much better. Thanks.
[DOOR SLAMS]
2 comments:
Dear tremendo,
How many movies have you made, you lucha bloggin dork? Hmm?
Didn't think so.
Love,
Scott Wolf, dir. 'Mr. Halloween'
Tremendo:
What we tried to do with Mr Halloween was tell an interesting original story on a very little budget. Our hope was that people would watch it and enjoy the story and characters. But now days that has all but disappered. But in your rant you proved an interesting point that has been one of my pet peves for a while. You refer to the young actors as fatty, dorky, passable girl, dweeb and some others. These were real kids, they were the age they were playing. Instead of the hollywood 27 year old CW 90210 star we used real people. That is why so many recent horror flicks fail today, you can't relate to the hunks and hotties in the movie. Did you know anybody, much less hang around anyone like that in school. Since you're reviewing low budget movies on some obscure web site I would guess the answer to be no. I did enjoy your review however, the republican line even made me laugh out loud. Can't you admit the story was fun and somewhat original? I have taken a lot of heat for the length and I do agree I should have trimmed it down. It's hard to do that when it's something you put so much effort into. You want people to witness your whole vision. I hope others watch the movie and enjoy it for the story and characters and give us some leeway on the shortcomings.To any one else that is about to watch Mr Halloween, make sure to listen to the commentary track, it's fun and you might get a better understanding on what we were trying to acomplish. Just for the record I am the director of Mr Halloween, I have no idea who Scott Wolf is. However I do appreciate him coming to the defense of an excellent low budget horror flick.
Andy Wolf
Director of Mr Halloween
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