ULTRACHRIST! (2003)

SUPER POWER GAINED FROM WATCHING THIS MOVIE: The Ability to Heal the Blind, Walk on Water, and Resurrect Twenty-Year-Old Jokes.

THE CARD:

A dim Savior of Man, the Lord God – Insurance Agent, Lex Luthor - Son of the Devil, Tubby Angel, Alex Reiger the Bloodsucker, some un-Christian Terminator and Robocop references, a Mickey D-loving and piggy-porking Hitler, lots of lesbo, finger-banging, and bleeding jokes, and God's VHS camera.

More details here.

THE ANGLE:

New York, the present day. Like a Godsend Kyle Reese, the good Lord Jesus Christ emerges from a glowing orb in an empty tenement buck naked. He wanders frantically looking for a swaddling tunic and chanklas but has to settle for a smoking jacket and Nikes. Unfortunately, none of the jaded citizens of the Big Apple recognizes the Lamb of God , despite his snappy new wardrobe from the Buffalo Exchange. With the help of a hapless savvy marketer and a ditzy but well-meaning seamstress named Molly, Jesus dons the spandex tights and re-brands himself as a superhero to spread his ministry upon the weary modern world as UltraChrist!(hyuk!). The Mighty Messiah hits the streets and stops crimes, spreads the good word, terrifies children and the elderly, and multiplies cans of tuna. Unfortunately, UltraChrist is disillusioned by the overly complex nature of these strange times, with the hippity-hopping, and the iPodding, and the waterboarding. Meanwhile, as Molly tries to get into Christ's tights, a couple of Jewy angels noshing on pizza pie are visited by God who's upset at His son's wacky antics on Earth. God commands the Archangel Ira (hyuk!) to track down Jesus and talk him out of his new persona. Also standing in UltraChrist's way is the Antichrist in the form of Parks Commissioner A.C. Meany who sends an agent to thwart our water-walking hero. After being foiled left and right with the help of Ira, Meany resurrects history's greatest villains: Nixon, Dracula, Hitler, and Jim Morrison (hyuk!). As the fiendish five-some plot hellish havoc, UltraChrist and Molly discuss hair conditioner and fall in love. And so some wacky stuff happens – Jesus is seduced by a hooker and an ancient dominatrix, Ira admits an affair with the not-so Virgin Mary, and Jim Morrison gets high. And in the final battle to win over the world, UltraChrist holds a benefit concert to be broadcast worldwide, only to be fooled into the ultimate steel cage match for the fate of mankind: UltraChrist vs. Richard Nixon! Hyuk!

THE FINISHER:

Religious parodies always trod a dangerous ground, and not just socially and politically, but also comedically. Some of the worst ones sink to simplistic levels of meaningless blasphemy with no satirical bite or insight. And the Jesus “Blank” ridicule shtick was tiresome back when it reached its apex a few years ago with the likes of Zombie Jesus, Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter, and The Passion of the Christ. But UltraChrist!, a low budget religious superhero parody that never really gains a full head of steam, is at least the most humorous I've seen, and it's fun-loving attitude is at time infectious. This is mostly due to the comedic talent of UltraChrist himself, Jonathan C. Green, a fine craftsman of dopey double-takes and messianic mugging. Plus the script, though plodding at times for time filler, is pretty darn witty, mixing in one-liners with religion and philosophy jokes. UltraChrist! is less concerned with blasphemy and focuses on delivering laughs with lighthearted camp and fully offensive fervor. But I wouldn't expect to find this DVD in any humor-impaired right-winger's Easter basket today.

And on that note ...

HAPPY EASTER!