ROCKTOBER BLOOD (1984)

THE CARD:

Tray Loren, Donna Scoggins, Cana Cockrell, Nigel Benjamin, and Every painters’ hat-wearing metal-smoking cheeseball you avoided in high school.

Also, it’s apparently directed by “The Benjamin’s”. 

Watch the trailer here.  

Watch the entire movie for free here.

THE ANGLE:

Rocktober Blood is the hottest rock ‘n roll sensation since Sad Iron and lead singer Billy Eye (Loren) is going to shriek his angst-fueled tunes until your great grandma spontaneously gives birth.   

Pretty much this.

Lynn Starling (Scoggins) is the band’s scorching back-up singer who worships cocky horndog Billy but yearns for the spotlight.  But Billy has nothing but contempt for the ambitious songbird.

"Eyes to see you."

So after a late-night recording session, Billy suddenly goes ape shit and starts offing members of the band and members of the creative force that spawned it.  Like these guys.

Looks like the mean pinball played him.

Iron Maiden, literally.

We are told that Billy was killed after massacring 25 folks which conveniently happened off-screen.  No one knows what set precipitated his blood-soaked rampage.  Perhaps he actually heard his own music? 

Two years later, Lynn is the lead singer of her own band having gained infamy as the sole survivor of Billy's implied murderous madness.  Despite her rising stardom, she is still tormented by bad memories and trauma.  She begins to hallucinate Billy's return at a concert which is highlighted by a hopping goof in a ghoul mask.

Nothing's more metal than a break-dancing dork in a Parties 'R Us mask.

After being chased around by said ghoul, Lynn retreats to her home in the country where she does continues to be followed, harassed, and prank-called by someone claiming to be Billy.  She can't even do aerobics in peace!

"The call is coming from inside your leg warmers!"

Shit gets real when her super-fit friends start dying one-by-one in her tastefully decorated spa.

"J'accuse-i!"

Despite the bloodshed, no one believes Lynn and eventually she's talked back into going through with her concert tour.  Just before the show, she's kidnapped by Billy who takes the stage and begins his own very farewell show by stabbing on-stage dancers and shaking his hips while poorly choreographed metal capering ensues.

"Nigel Tufnel's gonna be so jealous!"

Lynn struggles to fight back against Billy while belting out her screechy tunes while groupies and bass players lie impaled around her.  And as the battle ensues onstage for all the world to see, we finally discover the secret of Billy Eyes' seeming resurrection, a syndrome that plagued every narrative form in the 80s: 

 The Evil Twin.

THE FINISHER:

Rocktober Blood is a fairly heinous assault on your 80s slasher senses, and I don't mean in a heinous-is-good kind of way.  One of several metal maniac horror flicks that (probably) tried to profit off the heavy metal/Satanism paranoia of the time, the movie aims for somewhere between the Slipknot/GWAR grotesqueness of Neon Maniacs and the very watchable antics of Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne in Trick Or Treat.  Instead, this very low budget and poorly lit flick struggles to stay within the company of the fascinatingly weird oeuvre of Jon Mikl Thor and the putrid no-budget wallowing of Hard Rock Zombies.  Lead Tray Loren as the immensely punchable Billy Eyes succeeds in douchey exaltation as the other mumbling actors try their best to remember they're still in a movie.  Basically, it's as if someone was stalking the cast of Heavy Metal Parking Lot.  The music is somewhat infectious and not completely horrible, especially Lynn's signature tune "Rainbow Eyes".  But it's been like 20 minutes since I finished the movie and that earworm appears to have dried up.  Unfortunately, the heavy metal massacre genre also appears to have dissipated, much like studded leather pants swaying on a clothesline in the heavy metal rest home of our bad movie memory.